


Some Little Miracle

by ownedbythestars (ljrvs)



Series: Linked by the Universe [7]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Action/Adventure, Black Squadron - Freeform, Character Development, Friendship, Gen, Jessika Pava has a Past, Male-Female Friendship, Pilots, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Pre-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Series, Strong Female Characters, X-Wing(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:56:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23473573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ljrvs/pseuds/ownedbythestars
Summary: “But what happened to me led me here: to the New Republic Navy. To the Resistance. To Black Squadron. To you. And same for Finn: he’s here. He’s alive.” Jess pauses carefully, measuring her next words. “And so am I. You didn’t kill me today. So all of this—Finn and you and me, being here, with the Resistance—it’s not just by some little miracle.”---It was supposed to be a simple training simulation. Fun, even. But things take a turn for the worse when Poe nearly shoots Jess out of the sky.
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Black Squadron, Poe Dameron & Finn, Poe Dameron & Jessika Pava, Poe Dameron & Karé Kun & Jessika Pava & Temmin "Snap" Wexley
Series: Linked by the Universe [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1658350
Comments: 13
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Part of my "Linked by the Universe" Series. AKA I read the entire Poe Dameron comic series in a 3 day period and decided that Jessika Pava needs more story time. So I wrote it for her.
> 
> Mostly canon, but with some creative license. 
> 
> Anything you think you recognize/think may have been stolen from another fandom, it's entirely possible. "Good writers borrow, great writers steal." -T.S. Eliot
> 
> Unbeta-ed, so if you see something, tell me. Kudos and comments adored!

34ABY (Post Starkiller)

“Hey, Boss!” Jess waves at Poe from her perch on the wing of Snap’s ship. “I haven’t seen you for a few days. You good?”

“Hey J,” Poe smiled halfheartedly. “Sorry…I’ve…”

“Been with the new guy,” Snap says, joining them. “What’s his name again?”

“Finn,” Poe rolls his eyes at his friends.

“Ooooh, Prince Charming himself,” Jess grins and slides off the wing. As soon as her boots hit the ground, she snags Poe’s helmet from his hands. “Tell me more.”

“Give it back,” Poe orders.

“Not until I have details.”

“He’s still unconscious, OK?” he says, swiping the helmet from Jess’s hands. “Doctor Kalonia says that everything is 50/50 right now. 50/50 he’ll wake up. 50/50 that he won’t have brain damage. 50/50 that if he wakes up, he walks again. 50/50 that if he walks again, he walks without a limp. 50/50 that if he walks without a limp, he’ll regain his previous physical abilities," he growls.

“So you’re saying he has a chance,” Jess smiles. “It’s better than you thought when Chewbacca brought him back. So why are you letting it eat at you now?”

“It’s just…he saved my life and I can’t do a kriffing thing to help him.”

“I think he’ll be fine,” Niv says, joining the conversation. “Anyone who can take a lightsaber to the back and still be alive at all? The Universe is definitely in their favor.”

\---

“Where’s Poe?” Niv asks. “I thought I’d be the last one here."

“He’s not in his room,” Snap calls from the entrance to the hanger.

“Medical?” Karé asks.

“For once, a real possibility. Maybe this Finn guy is a good influence on Dameron. When else can you willingly get him into Medical?” Jess jokes from where she’s seated on a crate, swinging her feet.

“Should we go without him?” Iolo asks.

“Let’s give him five more minutes, then we’ll go,” Karé says. As one of the original Resistance pilots, the others default to her for leadership.

Three minutes later, Poe comes running in, zipping up his flight suit with BB-8 rolling at his side. His eyes are shadowed and his usually artistically messy hair looks mussed and flat. Jess and Karé share a look before turning back to face their Commander.

“Sorry I’m late,” he says, pulling his gloves on. “Lost track of the time.”

“We were about to leave without you,” Karé tells him.

Poe grins. “Like I’d miss a flight.” Jess narrows her eyes and watches him closely—she can tell that something’s up. His grin is forced and his tone is off. “SIMs loaded?” he asks, ignoring her gaze.

“Ready and waiting,” Jess confirms.

“Great, let’s head up,” Poe nods. The pilots turn and head to their own ships. Jess waits a moment, until the others are out of earshot, before sliding off the crate and approaching her friend.

“Boss,” Jess stops Poe before he climbs the short ladder to his cockpit. “You good? You look like you’re not feeling yourself. You sure you’re OK to fly?” She tries not to call him tired or worn out, despite the dark circles under his eyes, or the way his attention seems anywhere but on his squadron. Poe is not one to be late for training. Ever.

“I’m fine, Pava. Get in your ship,” he winks and climbs into his ship. Jess watches him for a moment before turning to her own ship. He trusts her to know when she’s good to fly, so she’ll do the same for him.

Snap, Karé, Iolo, Niv, Poe, and Jess take off for orbit. Once there, they’ll engage in a SIM Exercise. It’s different than the Sim Labs at the Academy, but genius in its own right. Using their real ships in real space, the pilots are able to engage the SIM-Droids in simulated battles, with the SIM-Droids programmed to move and respond like TIE Fighters. Their shields extend to the size of an actual TIE as well, so if a shot would take town a TIE, it knocks the SIM-Droid out of the exercise. Due to their cost, the pilots use one quarter power shots—enough to short circuit them, but not destroy them. The SIMs can also shoot like a TIE, but only minor electrical charges. The X-Wings register them and count them. Too many hits and the X-Wing computers lock until a manual override is put in. The only downside to this is that shields have to be down for the charges to register, leaving them vulnerable to any surprise attacks. But SIM-Droids are easily portable and reasonably affordable, and without a Sim Lab, it’s as close to a real battle as they can get with minimal risk to the pilots or their ships.

More than anything, though, these training sessions are fun for the pilots. To fly and barrel roll and keep their skills sharp at minimal risk to themselves or their ships: these sessions are the highlight of their week. 

“We ready?” Jess asks. She doesn’t wait for confirmation before she releases the simulator droids from her cargo hold. They scatter and regroup, waiting for the activation command to begin the simulated battle.

“Loser buys drinks?” Karé suggests.

“And winner gets a point on the board,” Niv agrees.

“Hope you’re ready to put your credits where your mouth is,” Iolo teases.

“And…they’re live,” Jess tells them as she activates the SIM-Droids and the exercise begins. The pilots weave and roll through the simulated battle, alternating between coordinated attacks and individual maneuvers.

“Boom! SIM 2 is out,” Snap crows confidently. “I can taste that Corellian Brandy already.”

“Still 11 more out there, Snap!” Jess quips. “Niv, you have two on your tail.”

“First one down sets the tone, Pava, you know that,” Snap’s laugh is tinny on the ship to ship comms.

“I got you, Niv,” Karé tells him, taking out one of the SIMs. “SIM 6 is out.”

Meanwhile Iolo barrel rolls his X-Wing to the right and watches as Niv and the other SIM flies by before he takes his shot. “SIM 9 is down,” he reports.

“Thanks for the assist,” Niv says. He dives sharply before executing a stall turn and firing at the SIM in front of him. “SIM 11 is out.”

“Nice stall turn. Must have learned that from a really good pilot,” Karé jokes.

“Yeah, some old pilot who’s lucky to even still be in a cockpit,” Niv replies.

“Hey! Watch it with the old comments!” Snap says. “Jess—you see ‘em?”

“Yep, I see them,” Jess banks hard to the left and then flips herself into a tight loop, putting her directly behind two more SIMs. She fires two shots, both direct hits. She whoops into her comm link. “Yes! SIMS 1 and 7 are down. Jessika Pava takes the lead!”

“Nice one, Jess!” Niv calls.

“Karé, one on your right,” Iolo tells her.

“I see it,” she replies, diving sharply. The SIM follows her. She pulls her ship back into a 90-degree climb, right in front of Snap. “Snap, you ready?” she asks as she streaks past him.

As soon as she’s past, Snap fires. “SIM 3 is out. Coming for you, Pava!”

Karé keeps her climb going before taking a shot. “Not if I have something to say about it. SIM 12 is done.”

“Where’s Dameron? He’s usually destroying us all by now,” Iolo asks. He fires at another SIM. “SIM 5 is down.”

All of the pilots look around for their Commander.

“I’ve got eyes on him,” Karé tells them. “Look towards the moon.”

“Hey Boss, what’s going on?” Jess asks, watching Poe’s flight pattern deviate from all of the training runs they had been working on. He doesn’t seem to be chasing after a SIM either. It’s erratic and unfamiliar. Poe doesn’t respond. “Boss! You’re looking a little rough there. Sit-rep?”

“Dameron?” Karé tries. Still no response. He hasn’t slowed down and he’s now clearly off course. Something isn’t right. Jess can feel it.

“Black Leader, talk to us,” Iolo gives it a try, “what’s happening over there?” None of them are counting the shots taken by the SIM-Droids anymore.

Black-1 turns sharply and starts flying straight towards them, firing at the remaining SIMs. SIM 10 explodes right next to Jess’s ship.

“KRIFF!” Jess shouts, her X-Wing shaken by the explosion. She pulls away before the debris can get into her stabilizers.

“I did not mean that ‘destroying us’ thing literally,” Iolo clarifies as he whips his ship around to clear the debris field but keep eyes on Black-1.

“Is he using live ammo?” Snap can’t quite believe it.

“Looks like it, Black-2,” Iolo responds, his tone firm. The move to using their Call Signs signals to everyone that the situation is no longer a training exercise, but a real threat to their safety. “Black-3, watch yourself. He’s on an intercept course with you and doesn’t seem to be slowing down.”

“Yeah, I see that, Black-5, thanks. Dameron! What are you doing?” Jess shouts, whipping her ship around.

A high pitched squeal followed by an erratic series of beeps echoes over their comms. BB-8 is shouting at Poe and attempting to wrestle control of the X-Wing from his master. The droid tells the other pilots that Poe isn’t responding to him and asks for direction.

“Poe!” Karé calls over the comm. “Stand down!”

Poe still doesn’t respond. BB-8 continues to beep in Binary over the comms, trying to help. Poe’s still flying straight at his squadron and not slowing down. He blows up SIM 4 and SIM 8. Any doubt that he’d been using live ammo is gone. Now that he’s closer, it’s clear he’s gunning for Jess’s ship.

“Is this something from the Kylo thing?” Snap shouts as he maneuvers his ship around to flank Poe and try to crowd him off course. Poe doesn’t pay any attention to him.

“Maybe!” Jess shouts back. “Poe Dameron! Stand down!” she shouts into their comm channel. She pushes her ship into a dive, out of Poe’s course, but he follows and stays on her tight.

“Black-3, get out of there!” Karé warns. “He’s not himself right now and he has his sights on you.” BB-8 confirms this, not that Jess needs it.

“What do you think I’m trying to do here, Black-4?” Jess grits out. “Poe! What the kriff?” she shouts as she tries to jink and outmaneuver her way away from Poe. He adjusts course and follows her. “Somebody, do something! I can’t shake him.” Jess tries to scissor away from Black-1. He’s dangerously close and she knows it. One shot at this range would be high-risk with shields, with hers currently disabled, it’s certain death.

“Black-6 firing on Black-1, quarter power,” Niv tells them and hesitates for a moment for any protests. No one tells him to stand down, so Niv takes his shot. It’s a risky move, especially without shields, but Niv is an expert marksman in the air or on the ground. He fires a low power and intentionally glancing shot, but it’s enough to wobble Poe’s flight plan just enough that it seems to bring him out of whatever headspace he was in and back to the present.

“Shit, Jess!” Poe cries out in horror. “Watch out!”

“Black-2, fall back!” Jess shouts, trusting Snap to listen to her. She doesn’t check to see if he’s moved or not as she jerks her ship to the right and then barrel rolls her X-Wing to the left, back over her original flight path—mere meters above Black-1 as Poe streaks by, exactly where she had been. She ends up where Snap had been moments before. If she wasn’t so angry— _not scared,_ she tells herself—she’d be exceptionally proud of herself for executing a perfect Roll-Fake in actual battle conditions.

The squadron regroups, but remains silent, just floating in space. The tension so thick it could be cut with a vibroblade.

“J, you ok?” Poe finally asks, breaking the silence.

“What was that?” Jess explodes. “Live ammo, going radio silent, suicide runs at your own squad?”

“Let’s get back to base,” Poe says, not responding to her accusations. “Snap, can you collect the SIMs?”

“Yeah, I’ll get them,” Snap replies hesitantly, maneuvering his ship to pick up the droids.

“Dameron, what happened?” Jess asks again, he can hear the anger in her voice. BB-8 echoes her question, but somehow more compassionately for a creation that shouldn’t have a soul.

“Poe…” Karé starts, but doesn’t quite know how to finish that sentence.

“Everyone, take them down,” Poe directs, ignoring Jess’s questions. Ignoring Karé’s concern. Ignoring BB-8’s inquisitive beeps. He doesn’t know how to answer any of them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jess, are you ok? You’re shaking,” Niv asks, looking her over and nods to her hands. She shouldn’t be surprised he notices it: he’s protective of her—has been for years. 
> 
> “I’m fine,” she lies easily, “it’s just the adrenaline.” And fear, she adds mentally. 
> 
> “What was that?” Iolo watches as Poe disappears into the dark hanger. 
> 
> “Which part?” Jess huffs. 
> 
> “The part that made me think you were gonna deck Dameron,” Iolo replies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of my "Linked by the Universe" Series. AKA I read the entire Poe Dameron comic series in a 3 day period and decided that Jessika Pava needs more story time. So I wrote it for her.
> 
> Mostly canon compliant, but with some creative license as to timing. It's fine. 
> 
> Anything you think you recognize/think may have been stolen from another fandom, it's entirely possible. "Good writers borrow, great writers steal." -T.S. Eliot
> 
> Unbeta-ed, so if you see something, tell me. Kudos and comments adored!

Poe spends the rest of the flight time and landing sequence trying to think of how to explain himself to his team—especially Jess. He mutes his comm so he can’t hear Jess’s continued questions.

As soon as they’re on the ground, he knows he can’t avoid her any longer.

“What was that?!” Jess shouts as she pops her canopy. She’s furious, Poe can see it on her face from his cockpit. And she should be, he thinks, based off of what had just happened in orbit. And that he’d ignored her for their entire descent. She’s out of her cockpit and running across the tarmac before he’s even unstrapped his crash harness. She drops her helmet as Poe’s boots hit the tarmac and then Jess is on him, shoving him back against his X-Wing. “Where’s your head, Dameron?” she demands.

“Back off, Testor,” he tells her, grabbing her wrists. She shakes him off.

“Where’s your head?” she says again, shoving him again. Her eyes are on fire with anger. “Cause it certainly wasn’t up there!”

“I’m not in the mood for this, Jess.” He looks pointedly over her shoulder. He can’t bring himself to meet her eyes and see the fire and anger in them.

“Yeah? Well I’m not in the mood to die during a KRIFFING SIM TRAINING EXERCISE because my CO’s BRAIN isn’t in his cockpit!” she shouts. She’s still in his space, muscles coiled and ready to strike. He almost wants to let her beat the crap out of him just to feel…something other than what’s in his head right now. “I _asked you_ if you were good to fly. You lied to me and told me you were fine! If you knew you weren’t, you should have made that call before you even suited up—grounded yourself before risking everyone else’s lives. We both know that you had no business leaving atmo today.”

Something in Jess’s words makes Poe snap and he meets her eyes with his own. “I’m still your Commanding Officer, Captain Pava. Stand down,” Poe growls harshly. He can’t remember the last time he used their ranks for anything, but he knows this is the first time he’s ever used them as a threat.

“Some CO you were up there,” Jess scoffs. She’s never cared much for rank and it’s clear she isn’t about to begin now. “You were using live ammo with downed shields. You destroyed 3 SIM Droids! You took a run at _me_! All while going radio-silent. How am I supposed to trust you to look out for me in a real battle if you can’t keep it together with SIM-Droids? You’re supposed to be my wingman, Dameron!” Jess is practically vibrating with anger and adrenaline. She clenches and releases her fist like she might punch him. He kind of hopes she does. When her words finally catch up in his mind, though, he feels like he’s been hit all the same. _Jess doesn’t think she can trust him anymore._ That hurts more than any punch she could throw. And Jess can’t help but feel a mix of vindication and guilt when his face falls.

“J. Jess—” he feels his anger leave him, deflated.  
  
“No. I don’t want to hear it. How dare you?” her anger not dissipating. “You lied to me! We don’t do that. You promised we wouldn’t do that! How _dare_ you?”

“OK, Jess, cool it,” Karé says, stepping between her and Poe and putting a hand on Jess’s shoulder. She meets Jess’s eyes and orders “Chill,” before turning to face Poe. “Dameron, what’s going on? She’s right, you weren’t on you’re A-Game up there. You weren’t even on your D-Game. I’ve never seen you fly like that.”

“Leave it, Kun,” he growls and storms off, hurt and embarrassed and ashamed.

The two women watch him walk away before Snap, Niv, and Iolo join them.

“Jess, are you ok? You’re shaking,” Niv asks, looking her over and nods to her hands. She shouldn’t be surprised he notices it: he’s protective of her—has been for years.

“I’m fine,” she lies easily, “it’s just the adrenaline.” _And fear,_ she adds mentally.

“What was that?” Iolo watches as Poe disappears into the dark hanger.

“Which part?” Jess huffs.

“The part that made me think you were gonna deck Dameron,” Iolo replies.

“Iolo,” Snap hisses, elbowing his fellow pilot.

The impact of Iolo’s words catches Jess unprepared—she _had_ been ready to deck him, she realizes. That scares her, too. “I’ve…I’ve gotta go,” Jess turns and takes off for her room, leaving her helmet on the tarmac.

The remaining four pilots stand quietly for a while before Karé breaks the silence. She bends down to pick up Jess’s helmet before facing the other pilots.

“So, who want to talk to Poe?” she asks, her eyes landing on Snap.

“Why me?” he asks his wife.

“Because he might listen to you,” she replies. “I’ve got Jess. You two,” she looks at Niv and Iolo, “do the Post-Flight on all the ships and put the SIMs away. Let tech know that we’re down 3 SIMs. And run a scan on Poe’s ship—I don’t think it was technical failure, but make sure of it.”

“You got it,” Niv nods, walking back towards his ship, Iolo on his heels. Now is not the time to argue, they both know it.

“You sure we can’t trade? I’ll see Jess, you find Poe? You’ve known him longer,” Snap tries to convince Karé to trade.

“Poe is yours,” Karé grins and gives him a kiss on the cheek. “For luck,” she winks.

“I’ll need more than that to get through his thick skull,” Snap grumbles as he heads towards Poe’s room.

\---

Karé tries to open Jess’s door, only to find it locked. She types in the access code and the door hisses open.

“Jess?” Karé calls into her fellow pilot’s room.

“Not here,” a muffled voice replies. “And why did I think it was a good idea to give you access to my room again?”

Karé steps into the darkened room. Jess is face down on her bed, still in her orange flight suit. “You forgot this,” she tells Jess, putting the helmet on top of her messy desk.

“Thanks,” Jess mumbles, still not moving to look at Karé.

Karé quietly leans against the wall and stares at Jess. “So, who’s gonna be the adult here?” she asks.

“NO,” Jess says firmly. “It’s his fault.”

“Yeah, it is,” Karé agrees. “But you also know he’s beating himself up over it.”

“He should be.”

“And you’re not?” Karé asked, an eyebrow raised. “Not about the flight, you did great up there—don’t think I didn’t see that Roll-Fake—beautifully done, by the way. But I know you’re beating yourself up for going after him like that when we got back on the ground,” Karé says, sitting on the edge of Jess’s bed. “Cause he’s your friend and you care about him, even if right now you’re mad and you’re pretending you don’t.”

“He deserved it,” she says just a touch too defensively.

“Maybe,” Karé allows with a shrug. “But maybe not.”

“Maybe Niv shouldn’t have used quarter power,” Jess retorts bitterly.

“Jess…” Karé tries to keep the exasperation out of her voice and fails. She knows Jess doesn’t mean it, but that doesn’t mean she’ll tolerate one of her closest friends talking like that about another one of her close friends.

Jess rolls over to look up at her. “He could have killed us all today. On a kriffing training run. He was an idiot.”

Karé sighs and sits down on the bed next to her friend. “Listen, Jess…I’ve seen you go toe to toe with Dameron more than once. You’re both stubborn and hard headed, so it’s not new. But what I saw today…that was different than any other time. I’ve never thought for a second that it might get physical between you two until this afternoon. Why? What made today different?” Karé asks before it dawns on her. “He scared you today, didn’t he?”

Jess looks away and focuses on the ceiling above her. “I’ve never been scared of him in the sky before,” she says quietly. “But today…I don’t know what happened, but that wasn’t Poe.”

“He took away your sense of control,” Karé pushes on.

Jess sighs. “You know why I fly,” she says finally. “I maintain my own ship, so I know it’s at its peak. And I know that I control my actions in flight, so I train hard to know I’m one of the best star pilots out there. Poe does the same. So do you and the rest of the squad. And we do it all because we know that control outside of ourselves and our ships isn’t ours. I never thought that the lack of control would apply to my wingman—someone who also demands that control from himself.” Jess looks at Karé. “He could have killed me today,” she says quietly.

“Yeah, he could have,” Karé agrees. “But he didn’t. And you were right: he shouldn’t have been up today if he wasn’t good to fly. That’s on him.”

“So why are you here talking to me? Go tell _him_ that.”

“He already knows that. Plus, I sent Snap to talk to him.” Jess pulls a face. Karé laughs. “Yeah, don’t tell Snap, but we both know that it’s a waste of time, because _you_ are the only one he’ll talk to when he gets in his own head like this,” Karé reminds her.

“I don’t want to,” Jess rolls back over and mumbles into her pillow, fully aware that she sounds like an irritable child.

“You need to. For both of your sakes. Cause even if he could have killed you, he didn’t, and unless you’re planning on letting this be a reason you ground yourself, you’re still gonna be stuck with him for a while longer,” Karé teases gently. “And you’ll feel better if you apologize for yelling at him. Just…talk to him.”

The silence lingers still and tense before Jess lets out a sound that’s something between a growl and a sigh and rolls over dramatically. “Fine, but I won’t like it and I will complain bitterly about it the whole time.”

“So noted,” Karé grins.

“And I’m only doing this because you’re making me. Not because I need to so I can feel better,” Jess continues.

“There’s that Dandoran spite I know and love,” Karé laughs. Jess gets up off her bed and starts moves towards the door, only to have Karé stop her. “Shower. Get some food. Then go see him. He can wait an hour,” Karé tells her. “And you’ll be better for it.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of my "Linked by the Universe" Series. AKA I read the entire Poe Dameron comic series in a 3 day period and decided that Jessika Pava needs more story time. So I wrote it for her.
> 
> Mostly canon, but with some creative license.
> 
> Anything you think you recognize/think may have been stolen from another fandom, it's entirely possible. "Good writers borrow, great writers steal." -T.S. Eliot
> 
> Unbeta-ed, so if you see something, tell me. Kudos and comments adored!

* * *

An hour later—after the Karé recommended shower, change of clothes, and quick stop in the mess—Jess makes her way to the catwalks above the hanger, one of Poe’s favorite spots to hide.

She finds BB-8, rolling nervously at the base of the ladder access to the catwalks.

“Hey buddy,” Jess greets the droid. “He still up there?” BB-8 trills a response, tilting their head back to look up to the walkway. “It’s ok, I’ll get him down,” she soothes before climbing the ladder.

As soon as her feet hit the catwalk, she sees him, sitting with his legs hanging over the side and his chin resting on part of the railing. He’s still in his flight suit—Jess guesses he came straight here after their fight.

“Hey Boss,” Jess says softly as she approaches him.

Poe looks up, surprised to see Jess. “If you're here to tell me I'm an idiot, get in line. I'm not done with me yet."

"Give the poor guy a break."

"You sure you want to talk to me? I don’t really deserve it,” his voice dejected.

She shrugs as she sits down next to him. They’re high enough that it’s quiet and private. “I’ve had worse.” She takes a protein bar from her pocket and pushes it into Poe’s hand.

“What’s this?”

"A protein bar."

"That's obvious, thanks. Why?"

“I know you. You haven’t eaten since we got back.”

Poe doesn’t say anything, but takes the protein bar anyway. He opens it and takes a bite and is a little surprised to find that the bar Jess had brought him was his favorite flavor. They were always at the bottom of the shipping crate, so Jess would have had to dig through the box to find it for him. He certainly wouldn’t have expected her to go out of her way for him after what happened earlier that day, so the fact she remembered which one he likes and made a point to bring that one to him feels like a sliver of light in the darkness of his self-loathing. _Maybe it’ll be ok,_ he thinks, _Doubtful, but maybe_. He eats the rest of the protein bar, trying to give himself all the time he can before he and Jess have to talk. “Are you still mad at me?” he asks finally.

“A little.”

Poe leans his head on her shoulder. “I’m sorry for today.”

“You should be,” Jess replies, but it’s not unkind. “You scared me.”

“I didn’t…I didn’t mean to.”

“Look, Poe, I’ve never been scared of you in the sky. Ever. I’ve always known exactly where you are and what you’re doing, even if you’re flying in the other direction. And I’ve always known the same was true for you about me. But today—that isn’t what happened. You could have killed me. You’ve always given me the sense that you were in control and today, you took that away. So yeah, I’m still a little mad.”

“I’m sorry. I hate that I scared you or hurt you in any way, I hate that something I did I ever made you doubt your trust in me,” Poe tells her, his mind circling the words that she had yelled at him on landing.

“Will you tell please me what was going on? Where was your head?” she asks the same question she had when they landed, but gentler this time. 

Poe sighs and sits up straight again. “Finn woke up last night.”

“That’s great news! So…why were _you_ a mess? Bad prognosis?”

“No,” Poe lets out a small laugh, “the opposite, actually. Now that he’s awake, Kalonia thinks he has an excellent chance of making a full recovery. No…it’s Finn. He woke up _panicked._ He couldn’t understand why we didn’t let him die on Starkiller Base. Or just kill him ourselves when we realized how injured he was.”

“What?” Jess’s breath catches in her throat.

“Yeah. Apparently, in the First Order, if you’re hurt so badly that you’re down for more than 48 hours, you’re dead weight to them and they ‘decommission’ you,” he hisses the last words. “He had a panic attack when I told him he’d been unconscious for nearly three weeks. He told me that there was no way he could ever pay us back for the supplies. He begged me not to send him back to the First Order. He told me that he would do hard labor and eat one meal a day if we would keep him here. That he would do anything asked of him as long as he didn’t have to go back _there._ I can’t repeat the things he told me. I can’t even begin to _imagine_ all the things he told me, Jess. He talked about how they’re all cogs in the First Order—easily replaced. Not a person or a human, just a thing. A tool at best and cannon fodder at worst. The way he said it, J…it’s like…I think he believes it. Has accepted it as truth, even. How can someone live like that?” he could feel the tears in his eyes.

“That’s…shit, Poe, I don’t even have a word for that. It’s terrible and horrific and…just heartbreaking.”

“I stayed up with him all last night, talking to him, trying to let him know he was safe and welcome and…he just seemed to get more scared the more he told me. Like he realized what he would have to go back to if he wasn’t allowed to stay. And I don’t know if I helped. I told him he was safe, I told him we would take care of him and he could stay as long as he wanted, but…is it any wonder if he didn’t believe me? So yeah, this morning when I got in my ship, you’re right—I wasn’t good to fly. I was tired and angry and emotional and distracted. I thought I could control it and I couldn’t. I got so deep into my own head that didn’t realize where I was or what I was doing. In my mind, I was going after TIEs. And that’s no excuse—because you’re right, I shouldn’t have even fastened my crash harness today. But Jess…he can’t fathom that we’d willingly ‘waste’ medical supplies on him…or a bed…or food…or anything,” Poe sighs, “He talks…like he’s disposable.”

Jess’s stomach drops. _He probably thinks he is,_ she thinks to herself. She knew what it felt like to think she was disposable—to be certain her life would be over. But Poe…he wouldn’t know that feeling. He’d had a normal, healthy, and happy childhood. He had grown up the beloved child of war heroes, not the disposable nuisance kept around for their potential value or work. Poe never had to face something so dark at such a young age. As an adult, he’d accepted death in a cockpit, but not as a child at the hands of someone you hated and feared. “I bet you did the face,” she says eventually.

“What face?” Poe demands and straightens up to look her square on.

“The horrified/angry/heartbroken face. It’s a classic Poe Dameron expression, though not as common as the patented Hero Smile,” she tries to tease gently, knowing this conversation will be hard enough as it was.

“I am one hundred percent certain that I don’t make any face like that.”

“10 credits says you do.”

“How would you know?”

“You make that face literally anytime I talk about my life from ages 8 to 18,” Jess’s face is incredulous. “It was the only look on your face when we were on the _Rising Dawn._ ”

Poe clenched his jaw and looked away, exhaling sharply, his eyes angry at something he can’t change. _Oh,_ he realizes, _that face._

“Exactly like that,” Jess huffs a humorless laugh and leans against him. “Poe…” she starts, “You have so much empathy and compassion for others. Reckless amounts, to be honest. You care so deeply for your friends…and you are so…obnoxiously _good._ Seriously, like, it’s almost sickening how good of a person you are. You’re so good that can’t even imagine that such utter evil and cruelty exists and it knocks you on your ass each time you hear about it, even though you _regularly_ square off with the First Order. But you never had to face it as a kid. You can’t imagine what it feels like to be so… _aware_ that you are disposable to the people in power—to be deeply familiar with the possibility of dying every day. At least, not outside of a cockpit. And to hear your friends talk about it…it eats you up inside. It just kills you. And, look, I know your life hasn’t been perfect. I know that losing your mother so young was…” She sighs. “And I know you’ve told me about the mess you thought your life was when you ran away to Kijimi at seventeen…but you need to understand that compared to me…compared to Finn…your life was amazing.”

Poe practically feels his heart break at Jess’s last words. “Jess…”

“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty,” she tells him, “I don’t want your pity. And neither does Finn. The Universe is broken, Poe. Because how else do you explain the pain and injustice of it all?”

Poe’s eyes meet Jess’s. “You’ve always believed in the goodness of the Universe.”

“Yeah, I believe that the Universe is, in her truest form, good. But the people in it aren’t always good, and those are the people who have broken her. And in acknowledging that, you have to realize that you just…your experience was so different than his or mine. And I know that you would do anything to change that for both of us and you’ve only known him for, what, a month? Almost three weeks of which he was unconscious? But it doesn’t work like that, Poe.”

“I know,” Poe’s voice is softer than usual. “I hate it. I hate what happened to you. To both of you. And I would change it in a second if I could.”

“Of course you would. You’re Poe Dameron, son of Rebel Legends with a drive to help all in need. It’s a part of your genetic makeup.” She gives a half-hearted smirk. “But what happened—it’s not your fault. And you can’t change it. And that’s ok, because I also believe that the pain in the Universe—it has to have meaning. The Universe I believe in doesn’t have room for pain without meaning. And that pain was worth it because it brought me—and Finn—to where we are today. I’m not saying I want to do it again,” a darkness passes through her gaze, “but what happened to me led me here: to the New Republic Navy. To Black Squadron. To the Resistance. To you. And same for Finn: he’s here. He’s alive.” Jess pauses carefully, measuring her next words. “And so am I. You didn’t kill me today. So all of this—Finn and you and me, being here, with the Resistance—it’s not just by some little miracle.” 

“When the Universe links people together…”

“They always find their way back to each other,” Jess finishes, nodding.

Poe takes her hand and squeezes it gently. “Just because I understand what you’re saying about pain having meaning and the arc of the Universe doesn’t mean I don’t wish you had been led here another way.”

Jess sighs. “I know. But that’s not the point. What I’m trying to tell you now, though, that those rules, the training, that…conditioning that Finn has lived his life by for the last twenty-odd years, it’s not going to go away overnight. It’s gonna take time for him to understand that he’s not there anymore. And that he’ll be safe here.” She straightens up and looks at him. “And he’ll get there. Just like I did. And he’ll need you for that. But in the meantime, you’re gonna have to figure out how to deal with it so it doesn’t affect you _there_ ,” she points to Black-1 below them.

“I know.”

“Poe,” Jess turns to look at him, “you shouldn’t have gone up today and you know it. You were exhausted and you were distracted. You knew you weren’t OK to fly and by still choosing to get in your cockpit, you put all of our lives at risk.”

“I kno—”

“I’m not finished,” Jess cuts him off. “I could tell you weren’t OK, too, but when I asked and you denied it, I didn’t push back. I let you go up and it almost cost us everything. That’s on me. So I need you to swear to me, here and now, that you’ll never do that again. If you’re not good to fly, you pull yourself. And that if I tell you that I think you’re off, that you listen to me. Same goes for me—I pull myself or I listen to you if I’m not good to fly. Deal?”

Poe nods. “Deal,” he pauses. “I’m sorry about today. I’m sorry I lied to you and broke that promise. And I’m sorry I shot at you and that I scared you. Any chance we can still be cool?”

Jess rolls her eyes. "I've told you before, Dameron, being mad at you is exhausting," she gives a small chuckle. "We’re good, Poe," she assures him, "we’re good.”

“Think you can still trust me to be your wingman?”

Jess looks up at the ceiling, considering, but a grin spread across her face. “Always,” she says softly and leans her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry for going at you on the tarmac.”

“I deserved that,” Poe laughs lightly.

“You did,” Jess agrees, “but I still said things that were harsher than they needed to be.”

“No, I needed to hear it,” Poe whispers and kisses the top of her head.

"I scared myself, too, you know," Jess confesses quietly. 

"What do you mean?" 

"After you left...Iolo asked me why I looked like I was about to deck you. And I realized I was: I was ready to hit you. And I hate that. Because that's not me. I don't just hit people, you know? Well...not anymore, at least. And it scared me that I could have hit my best friend." 

"It would have been deserved."

"No, it wouldn't have," Jess shakes her head. 

Poe squeezes her hand. "Believe me, I know where that feeling comes from. But you didn't act on it."

“Thanks for understanding,” Jess murmurs. “Friends?”

“Always for you,” he sighs softly.

“Always for you,” Jess repeats. She grins, Poe can feel it against his chest. “Now you need to go shower and get changed. You owe drinks to the squadron.”

“Ugh,” Poe groans. “Can’t I just give you the credits and not face them?” he asks, dramatically lying back on the catwalk.

“Nope. Gotta come face the music. You did destroy three SIM droids today,” Jess stands and offers him a hand. Poe laughs as he takes the offered hand and climbs to his feet. Jess doesn’t let go of his hand. “That’s three rounds, you know.”

“What dumbass made that rule?”

“You did.” Jess laughs as Poe groans. “You have 20 minutes before I send Snap and Iolo after you.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he gives her a mock salute and grins, his hand still holding hers.

“So you know,” Jess says softly, “it’s people like you who are fixing the Universe—bringing back her goodness.” She squeezes his hand and Poe thinks they really will be OK.

\---

“Hey! There he is!” Snap greets as Poe enters what’s the room that’s passing for a lounge. The rest of the pilots break into cheers and mock-praise, turning Poe’s face red. He gives a goofy grin, raises his hands, and bows, accepting the roast he knows is coming. “Bout time you showed up. We were getting thirsty.”

“Shut up,” Poe laughs and pulls up a chair. His squad is no worse for the wear after their nearly disastrous SIM run that afternoon, still laughing and teasing, but he knows he needs to say something. “Hey, settle down for a second,” he says, getting their attention. “I owe you all an apology for today. I wasn’t good to fly and should have grounded myself. I promise it will never happen again.”

The rest of the pilots nod and a few raise their glasses, accepting his apology. Snap clasps a hand on Poe’s shoulder in support.

“So…I think I’m the winner from today’s exercise since I shot at Poe and didn’t cause him to crash or, you know, blow up,” Niv says, breaking the silence. The rest of the pilots burst into laughter.

“Doesn’t matter who won at this point,” Jess shrugs, “Poe destroyed 3 SIMs, he’s immediately the loser.”

“It was a hell of a shot, though, Niv,” Karé congratulates him.

“He’s not wrong. For the sake of the winner's board, Niv gets the win,” Poe agrees. “Thanks.”

“For shooting you?” Niv asks, uncertain. “I’d say anytime, but I don’t really want to do that again.”

“Good. Cause I’d rather you never shoot at me again. But I’m glad it was you behind that shot,” Poe grins and looks around at his friends. “So, what’s everyone having?”


End file.
